I look forward to seeing a revised story.«12» I look forward to seeing a revised story.«12» Keep writing!!TheOldmannReport 2012-06-14 20:49:54Thanks DFMCK, I lost myself a couple of times in that, but a nice beginning, have to watch out for that Iain, sound a bit of a nasty bugger to me!anonymous readerReport 2012-03-24 02:08:05It was a bit too wordy for a sex story, and as another comment suggested, work on your sentence structure. Xxx sex video Keep writing!!TheOldmannReport 2012-06-14 20:49:54Thanks DFMCK, I lost myself a couple of times in that, but a nice beginning, have to watch out for that Iain, sound a bit of a nasty bugger to me!anonymous readerReport 2012-03-24 02:08:05It was a bit too wordy for a sex story, and as another comment suggested, work on your sentence
