Spelling, the sudden change in the story, punctuation. Bad bad badanonymous readerReport 2012-12-09 09:21:17Please look up how to write dialogue this story would be much better if you could tell what they are saying, also alot of the pronouns are wrong, before posting please proof readanonymous readerReport 2012-04-22 21:14:46Great story, but the constant lack of punctuation and spelling errors really kept me from fully appreciating the whole story. Hot sex video Also, try some paragraphs.«123» Also, try some paragraphs.«123» Underage girls? Bad bad badanonymous readerReport 2012-12-09 09:21:17Please look up how to write dialogue this story would be much better if you could tell what they are saying, also alot of the pronouns are wrong, before posting please proof readanonymous readerReport 2012-04-22 21:14:46Great story, but the constant lack of punctuation and
