Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah, Ma, slept great. Sex video I did some math on the STDs. You only had sex once!?”
“No, Jeff, several times.”
“You mean that bastard shagged you more than once! Center for Disease Control and Prevention recently released these statistics of infectious diseases reported in 2002:”
chlamydia—834,555 cases;
gonorrhea—351,852 cases;
salmonellosis—44,264 cases;
AIDS—42,745 cases; and
congenital syphilis—32,459 cases. I’ll kill him!”
“Jeff, I know how much you hate your father. Let me guess who—Fred, Michael, and Jeff.”
“Great minds think alike!”
All three feel honored to be recognized for their leadership. No. You only had sex once!?”
“No, Jeff, several times.”
“You mean that bastard shagged you more than once! No. These are the top five of any kind of infectious diseases. No test can give you a definite answer.”
“Mom, I’m missing
